Shocking Disclosures Stun Many
Washington - Already reeling from charges of massive corruption, widespread use of torture and illegal wiretapping, the White House angrily responded to yesterday's disclosure in the New York Times that top administration officials had participated in numerous acts of cannibalism and sex with minors.
"My most important job as President is to protect the American People." Bush stated emphatically during this morning's hastily convened press conference, "September 11th changed everything, and I think the people understand that."
While acknowledging that the rape and molestation of young children, as well as the consumption of human flesh might be disturbing to some, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales pointed out that such acts were technically within the law and had been approved by Congress in the broad powers given to the executive branch after the attacks on Sept. 11th, 2001.
Officials at the Times acknowledged that they'd known about the program for well over two years but had chosen to withold publishing its details until after the election because it "slipped our minds."
The super-secret program, dubbed "Operation Freedom Patriot Eagle Flag", was run primarily out of the office of the Vice-President.