Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Declaration of Independence Under Review

Declaration of Independence
"Under Review" by Bush Administration


(AP ) Washington DC: Key provisions of the U.S. Declaration of Independence are currently under review by the Bush administration, according to Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.
"We are studying the document with an open mind and absolute respect for the authors' intent." he announced today in a morning press conference. "Let me assure you that this President considers the Declaration of Independence to be the very bedrock of American democracy. However, given the seriousness of the threats facing our nation today, it would be a forfeiture of our duty not to reconsider some of its more outmoded provisions."

Originally written and signed into law on July 4th, 1776, the Declaration of Independence has long been considered an untouchable "third rail" of American politics. According to Gonzales though, "9/11 changed all that..."

"Although we have no problems whatsoever with the 'Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Happiness' clauses of the Declaration, certain sections of the document reflect a decidely pre-9/11 mindset, and it is those we intend to change."

Of particular concern to the administration are these passages from the second paragraph:

"That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it."

This, according to Gonzalez and reaffirmed by President Bush in a statement by spokesman Scott McClellan, is "nothing more than an invitation to anarchy" and "Just the sort of thing the terrorists would like us to do..."

Administration officials were emphatic to point out that the most important provisions of the Declaration, those pertaining to the United States remaining a seperate and sovereign entity from the British Crown, would remain in force. "However," Gonzales pointed out, "It remains both the right and the duty of the Commander-and-Chief to be able to unilaterally relinquish national sovereignity back to the monarchy at any time he might desire to do so."

21 comments:

Daniel said...

Where are you getting this? You really should post a link to a source when you post something like this.

Soul Rebel said...

yeah, I need a source. If this is legit, it goes out to everybody on my e-mail distribution, and then some. But I need verification please

100% Objective Observer said...

It's definitely legit in spirit and deed. Unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

All well and good. I believe it. I still want a legit source. :)

Anonymous said...

I have not been able to track this down as a legit article. Need a link if it is for real. Maybe it is an early April Fools joke.....though, in todays climate not a very good joke as it is too real!

Anonymous said...

Save for your April 1st emailings, but do a serious SPELL CHECK first.

Anonymous said...

Geez, guys, isn't the final sentence enough to clarify that this is satire?

The Liberal Avenger said...

Some people have no sense of humor!

Kvatch said...

Time for a retroactive signing-statement!

PrairieW said...

I guess you all missed the interesting discussion of this Administration announcement this evening on CSpan. Two legal scholars from Pepperdine and a fairly conservative expert in Constitutional law and history from -- Yale? Georgetown? -- seemed to take it as a given.

Soul Rebel said...

HaHa No I hadn't read this closely enough. My bad.

But it's eerily close to what you know they want to do.

Anonymous said...

Please folks, have a cup of coffee BEFORE you read satire.

Damian, the Left-Hand Player said...

It's pretty obviously satire...

...but I wonder if the day will come when it isn't.

Or, rather, WHEN it will come.

Anonymous said...

I just lost my mind reading that.

Roger Drowne EC said...

If U Want 2 Read the...

( Re-Written ) Declaration of Independence

At...

http://www.RogerART.com

First Published in 2001

cokids said...

The fact that so many of you have problems sifting satire from real statements is the most telling aspect of this 'story.' I read a similar one the other day and had the same reaction then said to myself, "OMG! It has come to this...the outrageous has become believable!!"

Dennis said...

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"Because just blogging or complaining about Republicans will not get you anywhere significant."

Browse http://www.boycott-republicans.com

Anonymous said...

Cokids, you have hit the nail on the head...the outrageous has become believable...

Anonymous said...

I think we should email this to every red-stater we can find. Some of you were actually fooled by this article. That is funny in itself; even though there is a possibility of this happening. It would be interesting to see how many people in the Bush cult would take this seriously.

Anonymous said...

It's not that we've lost our sense of humor. It's that we've come to expect exactly this kind of thing from Bush which seems to have the consequence of making this particular bit of satire not so much funny as just plain scary as hell.

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