Washington – In a move guaranteed to spark controversy both inside and outside the Beltway, the White House announced the appointment of Charles Manson as Special Envoy to the Middle East. “Given the extremely sensitive nature of the situation in the Middle East at this time, the President felt it crucial to fill this post with someone who shared his vision of the future…” Scott McLellan announced in this morning’s press briefing. “And after careful consideration, he decided that Mr. Manson was that man.”
If confirmed by the Senate, which is expected to vote along party lines, the appointment of Charles Manson to the position of Special Envoy will mark one of the biggest reversals of political fortune in recent memory. In a highly publicized trial, Manson was convicted along with several others to life in prison for a series of random murders in the Los Angeles area during the 1960’s. Despite this, his unique views on race, religion and foreign policy concerns have helped him retain a small but devoted following. Including, apparently, the President of the United States.
“Charlie had it right all along…” the President was quoted during a photo op while clearing brush on his Texas ranch, “What it all boils down to is the good people versus the bad people. Honest, hard-working Americans versus the Evil-Doers. You know: Helter Skelter… and it’s comin’ down fast.”
While skeptics are claiming that the Manson appointment represents little more than a political move to intimidate Iran, others are not so sure. “There’s a synergy there – no doubt about it…” declared one political analyst, “The whole Right/Wrong, Good/Evil, Us/Them, Helter-Skelter thing is something that really resonates with the American public these days. Frankly, if Charles Manson is guilty of anything, it’s for being ahead of his time.”