Sunday, June 17, 2018

Deep in the Heart of Nunes Territory

Visalia, CA — Things are different here in Nunes Country... Walking into a small cafe I was almost overcome by the smell of borscht, and everyone went quiet and stared at me. Thinking quickly I said “How’s the Golubtsy in this joint?” and started whistling one of Borodin’s Polevetsian Dances. Of course you and I know it as “Stranger in Paradise” from Kismet, but sometimes you’ve got to work with what you’ve got…

After a hearty repast of Beef Stroganoff and Solyanka soup, I smiled at the table of babushkas staring at me and so, casually mentioning the universality of Tolstoy’s fiction and the bravery of the defenders of Stalingrad, I paid my bill and left.

 When I saw this sign I thought, “Hmmm… seems like it’s missing something...” then realized “Of Course!” and pulled over outside a small potato cooperative and got to work.

For those of you who aren’t following, Devin Nunes is the obsequious beady-eyed fawning little toady and international bootlick who, when not tongue-polishing fascist footwear or selling out our country by derailing investigations into Russian meddling in our elections, is rumored to represent California’s 22nd Congressional District. The flag I’ve added is in protest of his extra-curricular activities and, since it’s easily removable without a trace does not, in my book, constitute vandalism. Campaign signs placed on public property are part of the public domain and should be considered free game for explanatory alteration so long as it’s not technically vandalism. If that’s too hardcore, then consider planting a Russian flag nearby with a clarifying arrow. Still too sketchy? Fine. Do this instead: I could use the help.

Anyway, I usually get some blowback about the consequences, illegality and possibly the amorality of mucking around with other people’s campaign signs. While I understand and appreciate both your concerns and the need to respect the rights of others, for the sake of perspective it helps to bear in mind the historical likelihood that at least some of these candidates wouldn’t hesitate to see you and your family herded into boxcars and gassed to death.
 Humming the main theme to Rimsky-Korsikov’s Scheherazade, I checked into a small hotel on the steppes of Fresno, earning the confidence of the innkeeper by referencing Anton Chekov’s The Cherry Orchard while negotiating my AAA discount. One of my great loves is classical piano, and along with cardboard, projector and paint for sign-making, I always travel with my keyboard, and most of the night was spent with my host and fellow guests pounding Stolichnaya and Rachmaninoff Preludes until the last of my newfound comrades had retired. (No mean feat in the notoriously hard-drinking demographic of District 22.) A bit giddy I’ll admit, an idea for a sign popped into my head that seemed, at least at the time, irresistibly hilarious. Thanks to my trusty digital projector and years behind a paintbrush, my drunken inspiration was made manifest in literally less than fifteen minutes.
Normally I never post at night, but I was set on breaking a record. I used some tissues to smear away the excess paint, leaned the panels against the heater to expedite the drying time and soon crept off into the night. Since the motel was right next to an overpass I now have a new personal best for signage: from inception to posting within 35 minutes.
 Although a bit shadowy and crooked looking, I figured it’d look better in the morning light. It did.
Signs Posted - 7,398
Arrests - 0

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